I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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