walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A bitchslap is in order.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
