i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
