I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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