They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
