So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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