Don't make out with my wife yet
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
