Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
