sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
