well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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