I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
