I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
