So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
