I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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