WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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