hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
