But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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