Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
