I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
