my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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