I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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