Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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