A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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