The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
