It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
