I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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