So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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