I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
