so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
