Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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