My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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