Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
