Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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