I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
