you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
