Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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