I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
