This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
