I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
