I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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