she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
