Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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