grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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