: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
