That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
