I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My vagina is officially offended.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
