The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You may now shotgun with the bride
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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