Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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