Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
