My nipple is on Facebook.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
